As a teen, in my house, I was known as a “hermit.” I would spend hours alone in my bedroom, closed off from the outside world and my family, whom I had little interest in interacting with.
I had created the quintessential 90s teen girl’s space with a color TV and boombox, a closet full of clothes and shoes, a Caboodles case of lip glosses, and a bookshelf stacked with Sweet Valley High books and fashion magazines. It was my place of peace. My father’s constant teasing didn’t bother me. I just thought he didn’t understand who I was.
And neither did I.
With parents who were classic extroverts, it was hard to escape the expectation that I would be, too. My mother was in politics, and my father was a top leader at a government agency. They loved entertaining and attending fancy events where they could see and be seen: charity balls, sorority and fraternity galas, political fundraisers, and holiday parties. Our home was the “party house,” where family and friends gathered and socialized. It was an extrovert’s dream life.
While I enjoyed the glamour of it all – watching my mom get dolled up and eavesdropping on the laughter and conversations from my bedroom – it seemed so tiresome. There was no way mixing, and mingling was more fun than nestling under the covers with a good book.
“I am an absolute introvert. I do not like parties larger than eight close friends. I’m quite the loner. What I do publicly is a performance. It’s part of my job, and I’m good at it.”
Tom Ford
Hello, Ambivert
Intrigued, I took a personality quiz from the Science of People. (I admit, I’m a sucker for a personality quiz.) And it turns out that I am an ambivert – someone “who can exhibit both introversion and extroversion qualities depending on the situation, mood and people they are with.”
It all makes sense now. Ambiversion (or what LifeHack calls “extroverted introvert”) explains why I have varying levels of desire for stimulation. I now understand why, in certain circumstances, I am highly interactive, engaged and assertive. In other situations, I crave ample alone time and have limited social energy. The truth is, I like to be around people, but I do not always want to talk – some silence is good. I prefer one-on-one interactions, do not care for small talk, and am the worst at responding to text messages.
It feels good to have finally made sense of who I am. I wonder if my dad would agree 😁.
